We need people. And sometimes we need to let them know.
If you’ve ever experienced a funk, you’ve likely needed something or someone or some act – big or small – to help you shift it. I think funks can serve us. Greatly. If we let them. If we honor them. If we don’t just try to push them under the rug, get tough, soldier on…a funk can give us information. Precious information.
My funk this last week reminded me that I need people. Tremendously. And it taught me something more. It taught me that I needed to let them know.
And of course, being that I can never stop myself, I began to look at how this impacts leadership, influence, joy, and all that great stuff all around us.
So what was up with the funk? I needed help. And I didn’t even know it. I needed people to lean in with me. I needed love and support, a bit of TLC, and some good old fashioned celebration. And I actually forgot I needed people to do that with.
I needed. Gasp.
I can remember one of my favorite teachers in college going over, with great intent, the arm of a cadeaver. I believe he was looking at the nervous system. He was stuck. He asked for help from another professor – I was shocked. I literally asked him “Didn’t he know all he needed to know since he was now the teacher? Did he really need help?” Completely 100% sincere – inside and out. “More than ever” was his reply. I remember feeling baffled and liberated all at the same time, yet not knowing why.
Years later, as I bask in liberation from having to have it all figured out, I understand where that deep emotion came from. It’s a relief to not have to know everything. To know that we’re never down growing and learning. And this week I’m finding a new level of relief with my relationship with needing.
- Last week, I launched something that literally has been on my vision plan since 2010, I said “yay” and then moved onto “next!” Fast. I needed someone to celebrate with and hold my feet to the celebration fire.
- Last week, I traveled, had a highly intense week, led a multi-tiered launch, put my body in new time zones, and messed up my training. I needed someone to be with me in my physical accountability.
- This week, I realized a huge goal had been hit, and that there was much more to do…so much more. I’d gone off the map. In a really good way. I needed someone to be with me in my simultaneous glee and terror.
But I didn’t know it in the moment. None of these registered. And the combination left me in a depleted hazy funk. For 4 days. An exhausted, on edge, gleeful in moments, in avoidance in others, real live funk. The candy corns even came out (damn you Halloween!) and I’d be lying if I said that candy corns, after 10 weeks of zero sugar, helped my funk.
Until I decided to get help.
- I got on the phone with my advisory board, named my funk, and celebrated the launch. Good.
- I met with my trainer and told him I needed him in my corner when I traveled – I needed a new plan, I needed to know he “had my back” and helped me stay on track with training. I needed support. Good.
- I got some really good coaching from trusted colleagues to help me unearth my funk. Yep.
- I sent two of my most beloved friends and mentors a highly vulnerable email letting them know where I was at, and asking for help. Really good.
Yes, I did my other tricks. I ate well (sans candy corns), I exercised, I got grateful, I contributed, I chaperoned my kids’ field trips, I did all sorts of stuff that usually – in most funks – work really beautifully. But while they helped, the simple truth was that I needed support. And I needed to name it.
Naming it alone did wonders. I should note, that of all of these people, none of them thought I “needed” the support in that moment, or that I was in a “funk” – I needed to tell them. I needed to ask for help.
This week changed my relationship with “needing” and offered me a new level of appreciation for funks. So I’d offer you this: Own your needs. Love your needs. Be needy. I promise, you’ll get to pay-it-forward. So let yourself be loved – fully. Your impact and influence on this world and in your craft depend on it.