When you tell someone the truth about something, and you’ve been nervous to do so, you’re going to find out why.
One of two general things are going to happen: 1) they’re either going to react the way you hoped they wouldn’t [insert biggest fear here: get mad, yell, reject you from their tribe]. OR, 2) they’re going to delightfully surprise you, know you better, honor you, support you, make your life now even richer, and strengthen your tribe.
Either way. You. Win.
Tell the truth. Tell your truth. Tell the truth. I know it isn’t always easy (I know this, I do.) It’s easy to bend, or even lose, our truths in order to belong, make others happy, avoid criticism or disappointment, look good, you name it. And I believe the biggest fail is when we let our truth go, we let our “realness” go, for any of these intentions. Here’s what I’ve learned, and will continue to learn til I’m 98+…As always, take or toss or tweek what resonates for you!
The people who don’t like your truth, who judge it, make you wrong for it, belittle it? They’re not for you. They’re actually secretly quietly draining your energy – even though you may not know it – with the quiet conditions they have on your truth. And even though this maybe silent, it’s there. I also believe that somewhere deep inside you, intuitively you sense when this is present. (Though if I may contradict myself a tad here, a healthy reminder to beware your assumptions; intuition is always right, interpretation is often wrong.) You have two choices: 1) be sure enough about your truth and yourself to not let these people drain you, or 2) release your need to get everyone on your truth train.
The people who hear your truth, and support it, love it, champion you? You want them in your life. Lean in. Truth be told, they probably already sensed your truth – your truth will come as no surprise. Even your big, bad, ugly truths? They still love you. And if they’re really in your ideal “tribe”, they’ll want to help you in anyway possible.
These are the people who also are willing to give you truly in-service-of-productive feedback. They’re the ones who will stop you when you’re heading off a cliff (even if you give them a hard time), and then listen to the truth that had you heading there in the first place. They’re the ones who honor who you are. They’re also the ones who, even if they fully don’t agree with your truth, will honor it and support and respect you for you in it anyway.
And if your truth is a “Whoops, I screwed up truth”? They’ll forgive, love and support you anyway. And if you did it to them and have a mess to clean up? They’ll help you make it right. Get it?
And for those who don’t resonate with your truth? It’s okay. You don’t have to convince them. And you don’t have to change your truth to fit. You can still love them and invite them in and appreciate their truth. Bottom line…You’re okay.
And what about those who challenge your truth, the “are you sure, that sounds off?” peeps…who do it out of love and care and championing for you. Sometimes they’re seen as your biggest challengers. If it’s from love, care and championing…those people are golden too.
And all things said, the most important person to tell the truth to is…You.
And when someone gets your dander up? Tell yourself the truth about that as well. Dander most often goes up when it hits an internal truth’s nerve.
You have to draw the line. It’s up to you to hold to your truth. It’s your life. It’s your impact. It’s you. So own it, own that big beautiful truth that makes you you. Own it.